In the Army

CSM Alvin Leongthe Sign tt u cant show it 2 Your SUperior but, we Did~

I am not going to do a coverage on the type of training we receive from ‘The Organization’ because of sensitive issues. But I just want to let all the guys out there know that the Army is no longer what it used to be. Safety is a priority in there so you don’t have to worry about dying or getting injured. Even if you do, they have Aviva insurance! Which pays you SGD100k for the loss of sight from 1 eye or both (Terms and conditions apply).

Anyhow let me just briefly tell you about the kinds of people you can expect to meet in the Army. No I am not talking about your commanders because they are all nice people, really. I am talking about your fellow recruits. Behold the 8 kinds of people you’ll meet in NS.

DISCLAIMER: The descriptions given are based on the writer’s vivid imagination. No one has been specifically targeted and no animals were harmed during the process of typing this entry. Any resemblance to a particular person is purely coincidental.

1. The Chiongster (The gung-ho soldiers)
   They are always on the ball, ready to execute any command. Probably the first few to wake up every morning anticipating a whole day of activities. They shout, they bite and they are probably the most active lot within the platoon. Most of the time they are full of suggestions and sometimes their suggestions just make no sense. Their aim is to get their asses into OCS and if they don’t, they’ll break their legs to downgrade their PES Status so that they can get a 8 - 5 job.
   
   
2. The Slacker
   The direct opposite of the chiongsters. Always the last few to wake up in the morning. Sometimes they don’t brush their teeth at all. They drag their feet whenever they run and they always tend to be hiding somewhere inside the ranks of the platoon when they fall-in. They more or less couldn’t give a flying F*** about National Service and their goal is just to skive for the 2 years and F*** off. When the commanders ask for volunteers they are usually the people you would least expect to see.
   
   
3. The Chao Geng (Great Pretenders)
   Back aches, Pain in the knee, headaches, sore throat, and penis fracture. You name it they have it. No matter when or where you enlist, you are bound to meet people like that. There’s a very thin line separating this group of people from The Slackers. They usually have very a negative mindset about NS, thus explaining why they would resort to getting themselves excused from activities. Either that or they are just purely lazy. Sometimes the excuses they give are so ridiculous you just wonder how on earth they can think of something like that. Some of them are so good at it they sound like they memorized all the symptoms of a particular illness and regurgitate everything to the commanders, painting a very detailed picture of what they are feeling.
   
   
4. The Blur Cock
   Their title says it all. They belong to a world of their own where ponies graze in vast green fields and butterflies flutter from flower to flower. They are always in a daze and they require instructions to be repeated multiple times in order to execute them. Sometimes you just feel like slapping them to wake them up, but then your conscience takes over and you start feeling compassionate towards them. So you embrace them with a hug and you say “don’t worry, daddy is here. I’ll protect you… NOT!” But to be honest with you, they are the ones who usually bring laughter to the platoon. That’s probably the best form of entertainment you can get in the Army. No TV and internet, boo hoo.
   
   
5. The Cockster (Jokers)
   They are the loudest and sometimes the crudest people you’ll meet in life. Oblivious to the feelings of their targets. Most of the time they are funny, but when you realize that the person they are targeting is you, you’ll have a tendency to want to walk to their bunks at night while they are asleep, cover their faces with blankets and whack the shit out of their asses. Just who are the people usually targeted to be ridiculed? The Blur Cocks. So now you know why the cocksters don’t get whacked? Their targets do not know they are being targeted, yet.
   
   
6. Mr Popular
   The reason why they are well-liked by their peers is because they are the most genuine bunch of people you’ll ever meet in the platoon. They are willing to extend a helping hand to anyone, even those who are presumably ‘out casted’ by the rest of the platoon. Everything about them is well-balanced, but of course they usually come in minority.
   
   
7. Mr Know-It-All
   Ask them a question and they give you answers almost instantaneously. They are useful to the platoon but occasionally they can get rather annoying because they talk too much.
   
   
8. Mr Ask-It-All
   Seriously the most annoying people you will come to know. They tend to ask freakishly a lot of questions some of which are obviously based on common sense. Somehow they just have to ask something because they just have to. Despite being scolded for asking unintelligent questions from their peers, their questioning persists. People like that can come in handy to the police force as interrogators. Just to annoy the hell out of the convicts while probing for answers.
   
   

It is obvious to state that there is no one person classified under a single category. Ok, maybe for some. But for a majority of them it is usually a mixture of characteristics for each description. But at the end of the day it is these bunch of people that will be going through all the shit with you, so you either live with it and start bonding, or be a individualist and try a Rambo.